Election Bulletin

We're in the middle of an election campaign so we shouldn't have been surprised to find some white power in an envelope sent to our office with a postal vote application form.

The police were called and the envelope put to one side. A short time later, Doug, from the local fire station (it's only 50m away) rang to say he wanted us all to leave the building with our hands in the air. I made the last bit up, but we did feel rather like a bunch of failed hostage takers when we stepped out into a blitz of flashing lights on fire and police vehicles and a maze of haz mat tapes, sealing us off from the rest of humanity. A woman stuck her head out of the legal aid centre next door to see what was going on, only to be promptly taped off as well, along with several parked cars.

Doug addressed us reassuringly from a safe distance, while we were photographed by the local paper and a fireman zipped himself into one of those all-enveloping suits, donned an oxygen mask and waddled off to retrieve the envelope. Early indications are that the substance was harmless.

No doubt there are more fun and games to come though Family First have undoubtedly had the best story of the campaign so far and they're welcome to it.

Rugby Roller-Coaster

It’s been a funny old World Cup for the Aussies. First they make it into the “easy” quarter-final with their old foe, England. Confidence abounds. Then they lose. Despair abounds.

The next day, they cheer up, when New Zealand lose their quarter-final and go out of the tournament. Frankly, this is almost as good as beating England.

Then they brace themselves to support the Springboks against England in the final, which requires a huge effort. The ‘Boks win and, as a bonus, an Australian plays a big part in the English defeat (he was, of course, right - no way was it a try). Short of winning, it couldn’t have worked out any better.

By the way, was I the only one to notice the churlish treatment of Thabo Mbeki by several English players, including Johnny Wilkinson, when the medals were handed out? Mbeki was standing at the end of the line-up with Sarkozy and Brown but they could barely bring themselves to even shake hands with him.

More Shark Stuff!

Go on, you know you love it, and it's summer here so more people are in the water. For the first tale of the season, I offer you this account of how a woman on a surf ski beat off a white pointer with her paddle.

I should add I spent a lot of time in the water last week and all I saw was a humpback whale breaching way off-shore.

Holiday Weather

Llyw's arrived on holiday. Unfortunately, the local sun and surf seem to have gone on holiday too.

Cycle of Obsession

To the cinema in Sawtell last night to see The Flying Scotsman, about the cyclist, Graeme Obree. Cycling is really taking off in Coffs Harbour at present, I’m glad to say, with twice-weekly community rides attracting up to 80 people, as well as the group training runs for the racing fraternity.

So one of the cycling shops sponsored the showing and handed out free tickets to all those who habitually spend their pocket money on lycra and exotic bits of metal. It was very strange watching the goings-on in a gloomy Glasgow and stepping out afterwards into an evening of Mediterranean warmth to have coffee in a street café surrounded by palms and fig trees.

Stranger still was the story told to me about buying a tandem on eBay and travelling to Vilnius to collect it. And yes, that was Vilnius in Lithuania and not some other Vilnius in Queensland or Tasmania. Cyclists are the same the world over.

Old Conflict

The drive to end child abuse and generally improve life in the Aboriginal communities of the Northern Territory took a step forward with
this agreement by the traditional owners to lease their land to the Government. To an outsider, it seems strange that this post-colonial conflict is still being worked at the beginning of the 21st century.

This story about the near-death of an Indigenous language shows the difference between the two societies.

New Frontier

Neighbour John has run away to join the circus - or, at least, the modern equivalent. He's sold his fine foods wholesale business and gone to work on the set of Spielberg's new television series The Pacific in far-away Queensland.  It all comes about because Henry, the brother of John's partner, Liz, does logistics for film companies, and not so long ago did a long stint in China for Mission Impossible 3 (or was it 4?).  Anyway, it's rather sad for us but he will be back, no doubt with many tales, and it just shows golden opportunities are just waiting to be grasped out here in the colonies. 

Still Foreign

Even after a few years here, things still happen that make you say: "That would never have happened at home."

For Sara recently, it was leaving the office to walk to the car and watching three blokes trying to wrestle a goat out of the back of a ute and into the vet's surgery.  For me, it was a visit to local masseuse, Glenda ,who lives round the corner.  Glenda used to work on prawn trawlers in the Gulf of Carpentaria and regaled me with fishy tales as I lay on the couch.  I tottered home afterwards, listening to the surf, under a sky full of stars, and thinking about the sweet smelling sea slugs which had sparked a violent allergy that made her swell up like a balloon.

Blind Eyes

Some healthy, robust comment on the Andrew Johns drugs story from Barry Dick of the Courier-Mail. Apparently, I'm not the only one to think it had all been overlooked in the past.

Sporting Nation

Two sport stories have effectively pushed the pre-election campaigning off the front pages – an outbreak of equine flu and the confession of former top Rugby League player Andrew “Joey” Johns that he’d taken recreational drugs throughout his career.

I’d been puzzled by the amount of coverage given to equine flu, which is not fatal and is just, well, flu for horses. Even in this betting-mad nation it seemed a bit over the top until I read that horse-racing is Australia’s third largest industry (and I thought we were a muscular provider of raw materials to the world). I should have recalled that nearly everyone in Coffs Harbour gets a day off for the Coffs Cup and the whole country grinds to a halt for the now-threatened Melbourne Cup. So it’s good to see there’s an alternative - yabbie racing.

Meanwhile, Andrew Johns was picked up by British Transport Police in London with an ecstasy tablet in his pocket (“someone put it there, honest” was his first response) which led to a full confession. Apart from making quips like “putting the E in Joey”, many are wondering why he wasn’t picked up here years ago if the British Transport Police managed to collar him on a busy night in London. It’s all about attitude to sport, I guess.

Don't Care And Not Listening….

Opposition leader Kevin Rudd's drunken visit to a New York strip club seems to have done him no harm. According to this poll , 85 per cent of voters thought it showed he was "a normal bloke". Whether that means that the 85 per cent of us who go to strip clubs are normal and the 15 per cent of us who don't are not, I really couldn't say. More worrying for those who try to manage these things on behalf of politicians, apparently 51 per cent think that the current healthy financial surplus does not stem from good economic management, or even luck, but from setting taxes too high. This despite the fact that the surplus has increased as the tax take has been steadily cut over a number of years. A majority of Australian families now pay no net tax, once various benefits are taken into account. Whatever happened to "it's the economy, stupid" and the feel-good factor?

Convict Stain

True story (honest) from Sara's hairdresser. A British mate of his went to an immigration interview and was asked if he had a criminal record. No, he replied, "I didn't know you still needed one."

Wildlife Bulletin

Running on the beach this morning before breakfast, I noticed something popping under my feet. I thought it was seaweed at first but it turned out to be the sound of bluebottles, small jellyfish, bursting. They're a couple of inches long, translucent, with a blue core and a long, blue tentacle that does the stinging.

There were hundreds washed up by the heavy seas and high winds of the last few days and some still had their fins, which act as a sail, erect. The popping sound is quite satisfying, by the way. I also saw an osprey and a heron.

Vinegar Tits

Australians are generally not very keen on fellow-countrymen and women who make good abroad, particularly when they’re Germaine Greer, who is frequently a topic of derision in the media, which keeps a close watch on her for material to stoke their sense of outrage.

It will be interesting to see the reaction to her latest reported remarks about Princess Diana, calling her "a devious moron." They’re not keen on the Royal Family here but I remember one Queensland shopkeeper telling me (without any prompting) that she used to like the Queen but went off her because “she was so vinegar tits about Di.” I don't expect them to take Germaine's side on this one, and we might even see that splendid epithet turned on her.

Stripping Away The Spin

It’s just what every squeaky clean aspiring prime minister needs as the country prepares for a general election. The press is full of the revelation that Labor leader Kevin Rudd paid a visit to a New York strip club some years ago and was asked to leave for “inappropriate behaviour”, ie touching the artistes. While a Labor MP with him denies anything like that happened, Rudd himself says he was too drunk to remember, which hardly helps.

Not a good look for someone who stresses his family and Christian values but many people feel this will play well with the average Aussie. Queensland Premier Peter Beatty said it showed he had “blood in his veins”, a remark you could probably hear repeated in various forms in pubs and around barbies from Brisbane to Perth.

Even feminists have defended him. Eva Cox, from the Women's Electoral Lobby, said: "Going on the piss for one night basically, and doing something dumb is not a cardinal sin -- it's obviously not part of what he does generally. You can't condemn somebody for getting on the piss, we would never have elected Bob Hawke in that case." (Bob Hawke being a champion toper who became the country’s most popular prime minister).

On The Beach

It’s rare that I turn to our local paper but I do so now to bring you news of a baby whale temporarily stranded at Digger’s Beach in Coffs Harbour, where we used to live. It was successfully refloated but elsewhere on the coast there have been reports of juvenile great white sharks and even killer whales, so I don’t rate its chances too highly.

Blue Remembered Hills

Early morning papers and coffee for John at Clouds' End, near Dorrigo, this weekend.

A Man, His Bike…and His Mum

If the Tour de France revelations below left you feeling cheated, as they did me, then Luke Bream and his mum, Carolyn, should restore your faith in human nature. If it doesn’t restore your faith in the race itself, it will remind you of the Tour’s ability to inspire.

Local Lad Rising

It’s been a shocking morning. Went to bed at 1.30am after watching the live coverage of what seemed to be a marvellous stage of the Tour de France in the Pyrenees, displaying all that was good about the sport.

Turned on the radio at 7am to hear that the Cofidis team had withdrawn after a positive drug test. Then got to work to hear that the race leader, and winner of last night’s stage, Michael Rasmussen, had been sacked by his team for lying about which country he was in when he was supposed to have been undergoing a random, pre-race test.

As a friend pointed out, it’s easy to mistake Mexico for Italy when you’re on drugs.

If there’s a silver lining to this grubby cloud, it’s that Australian rider Cadell Evans is now lying second. He grew up near here and worked in a local cycle shop, Woodsey’s Wheels, in Woolgoolga.

Presidential Opening

Carl, as president, opens the first Coffs Harbour Short Sharp Film Festival on Saturday night. We had an audience of 250 and it all went swimmingly. Phew.