Straight Up

Sometimes you come across a new item that is so culturally rich, you just have to share it. So I bring you the news that the students' union of University of New England in Armidale, a country town some hours' drive from here, now has a Heterosexuality Officer.

He's a trainee lawyer, who lives at home with his mother but, he swiftly points out, does have a girlfriend. As a trainee lawyer, he's also swift to point out that he's got nothing against gays. It's just that it's unfair that gays should get all the attention and resources (I'm not clear what these resources are, but never mind, there's more). Straight people should have someone to look after their interests, too (I bet no one's ever been insulted or thumped on the streets of Armidale for being straight so this puzzles me as well). He gets paid a small sum for his efforts but, at the time of being interviewed, hadn't actually done anything yet.

It was quickly pointed out in the national press that he wasn't much of a model for red-blooded Aussie hetero males as he lived with his mum and, far worse, he still had the "P" plate that probationer drivers have to display on his ute. Then again, he was photographed as he was preparing for an evening's kangaroo shooting.

Finally, this appointment comes at a strange time as students across the land are up in arms at the Government's proposals to end compulsory student union membership, along with the compulsory fee that keeps student unions going. Part of the Government's argument is that the money gets spent on frivolous things like, errr, well, I can't think of any examples just now because I've just been reminded forcibly that Australia really is a foreign country.